A perfect marriage doesn’t exist….
But a great one certainly does. Relationships are not where you find happiness but where you share happiness. A lot of people get married hoping they’ll become happier. Sorry to burst your bubble…it doesn’t usually work out that way. Each person in that marriage has got to take personal responsibility for the happiness by themselves.
Marriage is not linear…it’s full of ups and downs. Especially the first couple of years until you learn to speak each other’s language. It’s like heading off on your honeymoon that’s full of potential…potential to achieve and experience something great…even spectacular. Here’s my tips on how to capitalise on that potential in order to create a great marriage:
1: Respect: There’s no fairy godmother to give you respect…you’ve got to learn to do it slowly. You’ve got to learn to give and take.
2. Trust: It needs to earned by your daily actions. Trust can be very fragile so treat it well.
3. Romance: Not something that’s done only on anniversaries but often (not necessarily big gestures…but thoughtful ones). Same goes for intimacy…never to be neglected by either party.
4. Safety: When you are in a great marriage, you know you always feel safe and cared for…basically your partner can’t wait to come home to you. It can be anything from how you greet your partner when first comes home to being ok in feeling vulnerable in their presence and the other person never taking advantage of that.
5. Communication: Communicate often, clearly and by being supportive. Learn to speak each other’s love languages. (check out Gary Chapman’s book The 5 love languages.)
6. Teamwork: It’s not all about thinking alike but thinking together. What you do has an effect on the other person. It’s all about aligning your goals together for the benefit of both parties.
7. Love: It’s about even during the darkest times, you know you still want to be with your partner. It’s about smiling from within and the love you give and receive is a priority for both.
8. Laughter: Make that the soundtrack to your marriage. It’s definitely the glue to your friendship and relationship.
9. Commitment: Even in a great marriage you’ve been tested to give up…several times. Commit with your partner to create joint fun experiences as they’ll see you through when you feel like walking away.
10. Time: When you prioritize your marriage and spend time with your loved one, you’ll notice the biggest difference between a mediocre marriage and a great one.
So whenever, you feel like taking something out from the marriage, ask yourself when was the last time you contributed any of the above?
I work with many couples in coaching so message me today to get started on creating a great marriage that fills you with happiness.